Life is strange.
A week ago, I was lying topless on a beach and today, I’m back in rainy, sometimes sunny, but mostly cold and cloudy Germany.
I was warned about the after-Erasmus-depression and I always knew I am someone very prone to getting caught up in such emotional lows, but I didn’t expect it to set in so shortly after returning. I truly couldn’t be any more disappointed, sad and frustrated, longing to go back to something I always knew would come to an end eventually.
I miss the people, the weather, the beach and overall, the peacefulness of life.
Not once did I wish I was somewhere else during my time in Spain and for someone who spent their whole life wanting to be elsewhere, I guess it’s safe to say: if signs from the universe exist, this is it.
I’m not yet sure what I will do about that urge to leave again, but I’m certain that, after tying up some loose ends here in Germany, I’ll be gone – for good this time.
My last month in the south of Spain was intense – emotionally, mentally and even physically (the ladder mostly due to the extreme heat and my heavy-duty workouts but I wouldn’t want it any other way hehe). More exciting things happened in the span of just four weeks than in the five months prior. And while I’d like to keep most of the memories near and dear to my heart, I do want to tell you a few stories that made me fall madly in love with life again, after months and months of not being able to see a point in any of this anymore.
The first week of the semester I was asked to hold a presentation in one if my classes – in Spanish, mind you. My shy and introverted ass was freaking out, I couldn’t properly breathe and kept looking at my notes instead of engaging with my audience. I basically did all the things that would qualify my presenting style as „bad.“
Fast forward to the end of the semester, we were supposed to do another presentation in the same class. This time, a good chunk of my final grade depended on it but at that point, I had gotten to know some of my classmates pretty well, was on a first-name basis with the professor – which is very common for Spain btw, it just took me a while to get used to – and felt a lot more comfortable in the classroom.
When I got up from my seat and made my way to the whiteboard, I suddenly and unexpectedly found myself on the receiving end of a standing ovation … Germany would never! My fellow classmates were clapping, whistling and shouting my name and even the professor gave me an encouraging smile which immediately calmed down my nervousness. That was moment no. 1 where I knew.
I did alright in that presentation and – just to brag a little hihi – finished two out of my four courses this semester as best of my class.
As you might have picked up along the way, in the past year I turned into a complete gym rat and no, I feel absolutely zero shame about it. I now proudly flex my triceps in any mirror I come across, wear my oversized shirts tucked in in the back and get wayyyy too excited about finally reaching a new PR. And there are three reasons why I’ve been enjoying my workouts so much, especially in Spain:
First of all, Reggaetón is the most motivating music to work out to. Once I figured that out, it was over for y’all. And what better (European) country to live in for gooooood Reggaetón music than in Spain, am I right?
Secondly, the energy of the people at my gym – simply unmatched! To give you an example: Just a few weeks ago, they started playing this song everyone’s listening to right now at the gym and suddenly, people dropped whatever they were doing and started singing and dancing along … in Germany, we could never! I was extremely confused at first, but soon, caught onto the energy in the room and started to feel this warm, fuzzy feeling spreading in and around my heart – you know, the one you get when you’re in love? That was moment no. 2 where I just knew.
And lastly, I wanna give a shoutout to my gym crush for showing me that good, kind-hearted (and extremely hot) men with genuine intentions and proper ethics, morals and values do exist. They might live a few thousand kilometers away but meeting him gave me back some hope that not all men …
… you can finish that sentence for yourself.
Another story I’d like to share is about my recent trip to Spain’s capital where I visited a few friends of mine.
Quick intervention – I must say, it’s extremely nice to have friends living in or coming from almost every corner of the world and I highly recommend reaching out to and keeping in touch with even the weakest connections you’ve made over the years. I find that knowing people from different cultures and different backgrounds is extremely valuable to my own personal development and I could never imagine closing myself off to that opportunity (for those I’ve been in contact with: I hope the feeling is mutual) – intervention over.
One of these friends had first met me about ten months ago when I was probably at the lowest of my lows. Afterwards, I felt really bad for not being able to show up as a better version of myself. Although I knew I had tried my best at the time, I was still disappointed in myself for exuding such a heavy, negative energy and especially for passing it on to the others present that night.
Two weeks ago, we met again to catch up over drinks on this really cute rooftop bar in the center of Madrid. She later told me that she saw a drastic change in me, that my energy was no longer heavy and dragging everyone else down but instead, felt light and joyful and that I seemed very content and at peace with myself.
I almost teared up hearing her say these words (in her extremely cute Spanish accent) because I realized that the hard work I had put into improving my mental and emotional state was finally paying off and people around me started to notice how much happier I had become. And yes, living in sunny Spain near the ocean and being surrounded by such sweet and uplifting people has had its hand in it as well, but if I’ve learned one thing it’s that you can find yourself in seemingly the most perfect environment, getting handed the best opportunities possible but still feel absolutely miserable if you choose not to see the good.
Hearing her say it out loud made me realize how much my mindset had actually changed in just a few months.
That was moment no. 3 where I knew.
There’s so much more I could share with you – like the time I was served the world’s best pasta for free, or the time my drunk ass stole a whole bowl of spicy Mexican food from my roommate and ate it in the early morning hours after a night out, or that time I went to a Salsa & Bachata bar without ever having danced either style before and ended up in a really awkward but funny situation with this guy who later turned out to be my dance teacher – but I’ll leave it at that for now.
Because just like my semester in Spain has ended after
seventy-six gym entries,
ticking off twenty-two out of twenty-seven items off my bucket list,
seven trips around Europe,
six encounters with cockroaches and
one month of being strawberry blonde,
this blog post must come to an end as well.
What I know for certain is that pieces of my heart will stay forever in this place and with the people I’ve met along the way.
This is not goodbye, it’s a sea you later.
Until next time …
… with love, always
xx kristina
this blog post captured in a song:
“Muchoperro” by Juseph, Cruz Cafuné, Wiso Rivera
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