Hi, hello and welcome back, perras!
Missed me? I know you did.
Or rather, you missed my juicy ass storytelling but guess what? I will make it up to you with today’s post because …
(Quick preface: for an extra dramatic touch, read this in gossip girl’s voice … you’ll thank me later hehe)
… I’m about to tell you the most unbelievable, Hollywood style fairytale about (at least) four beautiful, smart and kind princesses who got played so hard by a peasant boy that didn’t deserve a minute of their time because in no shape or form is he or could he ever be Prince Charming for either one of them. This, of course, has no connection to reality or my life whatsoever … I’m just the messenger.
So, without further ado, let’s begin, shall we?
Once upon a time, princess Magnolia met Felipe. She was just fifteen years old at the time and a young, impressionable girl. He was a few years older, very handsome and charming to the eye. Neither one could deny that they felt a mutual attraction towards each other and soon after, they became girlfriend and boyfriend. Since this is a fairytale, you’d assume they lived happily happy ever after, right? Wrong.
Instead of taking her out on dates, showing her off to his friends and family and giving her the princess treatment she deserved, he hid her away like Rapunzel in her tower, wouldn’t claim her in public – wouldn’t even hold her hand! – and whenever she demanded better, he’d get angry and make her feel small and at fault for his behavior. Over time, she’d start to accept that things were never going to change; she even started to believe all the mean things he threw at her and how insignificant her needs were.
Nonetheless, she loved him and would‘ve given him the world. She cooked and cleaned on wifey level (although dude didn’t even deserve cold ravioli out of a can) and when he didn’t have a place to stay, she offered to take him in. So, he moved into her castle and slowly but surely began to act like he owned it. He let her parents pay for most of his expenses and even benefitted from family vacations and Christmas presents without showing the slightest bit of gratitude.
You think it can’t get any worse than that? Well … keep on reading.
Almost four years into the relationship, Felipe met princess Lila. She was even younger than princess Magnolia, but just like Magnolia did before, she quickly got fooled by his charm (and big ass biceps) and was convinced that Felipe was the guy for her. And so, they began their wild love affair – behind Magnolia’s back, of course – but soon after, princess Lila fell in love with him. He obviously couldn’t give her what she wanted or needed – still being in a relationship with princess Magnolia – but he couldn’t leave them both alone either.
You see, he’s not used to – almost scared of – being single and living with the feeling of loneliness that comes with it sometimes: the longing to have that special someone in your life that understands and sees you completely and accepts you for all you are, that keeps you company at night and comforts you when times are tough.
It’s not that he truly wanted either one of the princesses at hand, he just couldn’t bear the thought of ending up alone with his thoughts and self-doubts. He couldn’t let the two princesses go on to find their happiness elsewhere because he needed their reassurance to build up his ego and self-worth, solely because he couldn’t do that himself (or he simply didn’t want to do it himself because that would’ve required working on himself and he’s more of a low effort kinda guy).
Even after princess Magnolia has had enough of his shady behavior and officially broke things off, he continued reaching out to her, trying to mend things, promising her to finally become the honest, loving, respectful boyfriend that he should’ve been from the beginning, that he only wanted her and would do whatever it took to make her his again.
Princess Lila, on the other hand, totally unaware of what was happening behind her back, was hoping for more, now that princess Magnolia seemed to be out of the picture. He never told her the truth, excusing the occasional message that popped up on his phone with a “Magnolia just asked me to come over and pick up a letter that arrived at her castle for me.“
And so, Felipe managed to keep seeing both of them frequently but after some time, friends and family began to question why there were different girls in the kitchen every morning and especially, why they were seemingly getting younger and younger …
Fast forward a couple of months, things got even more interesting and even more complicated for everyone involved because new characters were added to the storyline.
During the height of summer, Felipe met princess Azul – who had just gotten out of something more serious – and princess Coral – who had just gotten back from her travels abroad. Neither of the two were looking to date any time soon, but if Felipe is one thing (besides an insecure and immature lil puta) it’s persistent.
Princess Azul caved in first while princess Coral friend-zoned him for a couple of months, but ultimately fell for his beautiful words too.
And it’s not like the four princesses didn’t know of each other (no no, they regularly ran into each other even), but the problem was: they didn’t know each other – personally I mean. They only ever heard the stories – lies rather – Felipe fed them to keep them from asking questions that would blow his cover. He was very skilled at crafting these stories, carefully slipping information about the others into casual conversations that subconsciously created distrust and dislike towards the others while at the same time praising the princess he was talking to, promising her she’s the only one he’s seeing, the only one he wants and the only one he sees a future with.
Princess Magnolia became the crazy ex (classic) that had FBI stalker skills and a hulk-like raging personality. Although not true, who would blame her after four years with Felipe’s lying and cheating ass?
Princess Lila became the girl he had some fun with and used to blow off some steam after (yes, you read correctly, he still denies he cheated although Lila is stating the opposite and has less motive to lie) getting out of a long-term relationship. Among his friends, she was infamous for her … let’s call it “adventurous spirit” and he even went so far as to say “Lila habe ich gezüchtigt“ to his liking (translate that yourself and when you do, remember: the girl was under-age – he’s five to six years older) but he could never respect her because of how nasty she turned out to be in the sheets (again, his words, not mine).
Side note: I’m not going to comment on the misogyny and double standard here, just know, I’m fully aware of it but this post would become a literal novel if I did cuz ya bitch got harsh opinions on the whole sexism debate.
Princess Azul was … well, kinda just there, seemingly not really interested in him anyways or too self-indulged in her (as he calls it) “miserable, depressing life.” Princess Coral, on the other hand, he found physically attractive but just couldn’t for the life of him hold a proper conversation with because he never understood it when she accidentally mixed languages. And while she reduced her vocabulary to about thirty percent of what she’s capable of, the dude pretended he didn’t even know how to use a dictionary. But what do you expect of someone who doesn’t know the difference between “das” and “dass” (German speakers will understand).
He basically used their negative traits to pit them against each other and for a while his plan actually worked. I’m not trying to paint him as a mastermind here, in fact, his biceps is probably bigger than his IQ, but the smoothness with which he was operating reflects on years of experience in the field. Unfortunately for him, his plan had one fatal flaw: it was based on the four princesses being so smitten with him that they accepted his “bare minimum” treatment and kept their mouths shut about everything else, so no one would find out there were at least five people sharing the same, unwashed sheets – his sheets – at night.
However, after just a few weeks of spending almost every day with him, princess Coral came to the realization that he wasn’t what she wanted or rather, that he wasn’t going to be the guy who could make her happy long-term. So she ended things and just to paint a picture of how manipulative he is: in an attempt to change her mind he burst into tears and told her he was in love with her, that he needed her and that he’d become a better man for her. Ironically, screenshots prove that just a few days prior he’d told contradictory things to the others … but princess Coral wasn’t aware of that yet.
In that same conversation, she also asked him a couple of times if there had been someone else during the time they were seeing each other and each time, he denied it with a straight face. What person could lie like that without the guilt of it weighing heavy on their conscience, she thought, so, he must be telling the truth then, right? She considered giving him another chance, but her intuition told her that there was something very wrong about the whole situation and just to be sure and for her own peace of mind, she reached out to the others, solely with the intent to confirm Felipe’s story.
But boy, oh boy, did she strike gold.
What is known so far:
Felipe is a pathological liar (almost every story he’s ever told consists of at least one lie) and narcissist who mostly preys on young, impressionable girls that he can easily control. He twists your words to suit his story, gaslights like a pro and if you’re not careful, he can be so convincing that you start to believe his pov. He’s manipulative, using your emotions and empathetic side, his own vulnerability and the sweetest words to get you to do what he wants. When he’s at fault, he’ll find a way to turn you into the villain while playing the part of the hurt and innocent victim flawlessly.
He doesn’t have any real friends – at least none that wouldn’t rat him out or talk shit about him behind his back (and vice versa) which is why he takes advantage of the princesses and clings onto them so desperately, fully aware of the fact that he’s not worthy of their presence in his life. If he wasn’t a young adult that is fully responsible for his own actions (therefore, also responsible for his own loneliness and disagreeableness), you’d almost feel sorry for him. He has no other choice but to surround himself with like-minded, just as delusional peasants who tolerate each others’ disloyal, back-stabbing behavior and by doing so, keep enabling, almost encouraging it, unable to put themselves out of their misery. They ache to find deeper connections in life but fail to understand the very meaning of friendship and the concept of a relationship. Telling strangers each others’ deepest and darkest secrets for strategic alliances is what they do for fun; trust is non-existent and mutual resentment part of their daily affirmations. Their motto: la traición con traición se paga.
To give you an example: his fellow comrade Henry stole another man’s girl (yes, cheating and covering it up is a common theme among them) and while Felipe and Henry weren’t on good terms, Felipe spilled the tea big time, calling Henry a phony, sly and not trust-worthy, clearly distancing himself from this sort of behavior. Looking back, it's ironic how it’s always the morally rotten ones – the sinners – that judge other sinners for sinning differently. But you know what they say: birds of a feather flock together.
After shit hit the fan, the four princesses are now piecing together the storyline and try to separate lies from the truth (he surely played the wrong girls here hehe). Evidence is being collected and filed, new girls that were involved with Felipe appear left and right on the daily – girls, his so-called „friends“ didn’t even know about – the dirtiest text messages from times he was in and out of relationships are being discovered and at the end of the day, the moral of the story turns out to be this:
Run as soon as his personality starts to match the dick (we all know how I mean that and yes, I went there). If he also can’t provide intellectually, make sure he’s at least funny. And if even that requirement can't be met, remember: he might be cute but not cute enough to become just your arm candy, so stop wasting your time on him, sis. We also like our men to be untouchable because knowing anyone could have him makes him lose his appeal. And most importantly, they should be our peace instead of giving us anxiety or acne from his bad personal hygiene and bed sheets that are soaked in other peoples’ body fluids.
Unfortunately, what the four princesses believed to be the Prince Charming they’d ride off into the sunset with, turned out to be an empty house solely built upon lies and as tragic as it sounds, but with the knowledge of today, every memory, every word, every promise is tainted by the bitter aftertaste of betrayal.
Felipe always whined about wanting a partner and kept talking about "finding the right one" he'd do anything for, but the sad truth is, he could've had a deep connection and serious relationship with each one of the four, but instead of one, even four weren't enough for him (classic example of words not matching actions). And in all honesty, he probably couldn't even recognise "the right one" if she was standing right in front of him.
So, he chose to feed into his ego, trying to fill a void by fooling as many more girls as he could, constantly gambling with the risk of getting caught.
Which, quite rightly, he did.
Now, karma will come and get him.
And if not, I hope this blog post does because apparently, you can’t reason with stupid, so I don't mind being the villain in his story while he so obviously is a clown in mine.
To all my girls and guys out there, I just want you to know how important it is to have boundaries and standards – the most important one being that your needs are being fulfilled in any close relationship you let into your life. And I know you’ve probably heard this a million times before, but please, respect yourself enough to walk away from someone who can’t see your value and therefore, doesn’t give you what you deserve.
If you find yourself on the other end of things and knowingly tolerate people like Felipe or Henry – shame on you. You might think your hands are clean, but being a silent bystander only encourages more shitty behaviour. They think themselves to be indestructible because you’re holding up their web of lies for them. Of course, seeing through it yourself and holding said personas accountable for their actions requires having a moral compass, the skill of self-reflection and the courage to have the difficult but necessary conversations – and granted, not everyone possesses all three, but people, I beg of you to try your best!
And if, for some miraculous reason, Felipe happens to find and read this post (he doesn’t know English very well, so I’d be very surprised if he got this far), I’m hereby extending a peace offering. This has already gone too far and too many people have gotten hurt by being dragged into the mess you created. I somehow still hope that by getting your wrongful doings reflected back at you, you finally begin to understand that your issues aren’t external, that you need to see past your pride and ego and only then, you can start to work on yourself to become a better person. At the end of the day, the princesses will be alright, so the only person you continue to hurt and damage is yourself.
I guess this is a reminder for us all to do better.
And with that being said, until next time …
… with love, always
xx kristina
this blog post captured in a song:
“LA INOCENTE” by Mora, Feid
Komen